A closed book on the first eid

Assalamualaikum.

I can't believe that I am currently updating this post on the first Eid. Normally, people would be so excited preparing for Eid but yeah, don't mind me. Haha.

The reason I am updating this post is because I wanted to make this post as the blueprint of my nawaitu. Today I believe is a perfect day for me to start a good new challenge. I take this as a challenge for me to become a better friend, a better daughter and overall a better person.

I watched BTS Burn The Stage few days ago and the members were describing each other. It turned out that my bias, J-Hope was described as someone who is a bit closed book. At first, I don't get what it means. But when I searched about it, oh a closed book person means someone who is a bit mysterious and doesn't say much about themselves. You know the good thing is J-Hope has always put people at ease. He is bright and a ball of sunshine but goshhh he actually has been hiding a lot in his heart. Sometimes I feel a bit pity about him but the other side of me keeps on telling me that he is a true bias. He inspires me. 

The real thing is that I am someone who actually loves to hide my own feelings before this. I think after I have been involving myself in too many activities, I get to know more people.. it seems that I learn to be more open and it is easier for me to just tell people whatever things on my mind. Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing I will just tell the truth.

However, this has been a bad thing. You know.. you cannot satisfy other people. You can't even satisfy yourself. If you tell other people your problems, sometimes they would agree with you but sometimes when they do not agree, they might turned you down. You will feel somewhat uneasy with their counterattack or perhaps their humble opinions and you guys might be awkward to each other.

I believe that I need to professional all the time. Accepting people's opinion is a must. You cannot deny their words because you are not perfect. You cannot be right all the time. But in my case, I keep on wanting people to be on my side which is wrong. They told me that I was selfish. I might not be able to accept it because this is not the first time people keep on telling me that term. I was confused. What actually happened? I thought they would believe me. They would try to understand me but it turned out to be vice versa.

I'm at fault. I know. However, they might not know the real thing. My 'overthinking' has become their highest point as counterattack and I can do nothing with it. I've tried to explain but seems like my overthinking has actually made it worse. Since then, I believe that whatever happens, that will only be between me and Allah SWT. Raise complaints to Allah, the Creator. Only Allah knows the situation that you are going through. Your friends whom you believe would always listen to you, who would always understand you might saw that you are in trouble, saw that you are struggling but they just saw it; they don't understand. The struggle that you are going through, only Allah knows. Turn only to Allah. 

From my experience, whenever I tell them my dissatisfaction, things become worse. It's not that I don't put my trust on them. I do trust them sometimes but it is just me. I can't handle the overthinking part and of course, my emotional side has become so bad that I think I need to settle down a bit. I don't easily show people that I am mad. I am dissatisfied. Things happened real quick. I am already used to the situation and I can't turn back time.

So, this is the perfect time to start becoming a new me. A new me who will always talk about the grief and sorrow only to Allah SWT. InshaAllah. I don't want to complain to people around me anymore. I don't want to easily blame people just like that because of the words that comes from my mouth. Every little words have made me become more emotional and that's not good. I need to undergo the recovering process. I believe I can do this. A closed book! That's what I am going to be. Thank you for inspiring me, J-Hope. Indeed, a bias ain't just a bias. They inspire you.

May Allah ease. Eid Mubarak!

A little reflection

Salam 28 Ramadan everyone :)

Alhamdulillah I'm back to where I belong! My previous post was in the early of Ramadan. Now, we are already at the end of it. May Allah bless all of us and gives us the chance to meet next Ramadan, aamin.

I am currently not feeling well today so I just spend my day scrolling FB, Twitter and Instagram while laying on my bed. Suddenly I found a post shared by my bestfriend. It was a video about "Do you rush throuh your sujood?"

I watched the whole video and found myself sobbing. I feel like crying for no reason because that was such a deep reflection video. Believe me, you'll feel like you are such a wasted human being ever born in the world. I thought a lot about this. You think you are doing good but you are actually not. When you see someone else at the 80% you should have realized that you are actually on the one digit only.

This feels so unreal but I'm telling you the truth. You probably do not miss your prayer but how do you rate your prayer? Is it satisfying enough to satisfy the one up there. ALLAH SWT. Know Allah, fear Allah, love Allah.

I realized that I am someone who always take for granted when it comes to prayers and doa. I am no good. It's not that I don't pray. I pray. But if I were to rate myself for my own prayer, I don't think I will be able to do so. 

I reflected myself. I always rush in sujood. Not just sujood but sometimes during the whole prayers. I always delay my prayers too. Like... come on. You are 22. You are big enough to know whats need to be prioritized and whats not. Why don't I fear Allah? I'm just a slave. I am nothing without Him.

I leave the link below and please take some time to watch the video. It is an inspiring video and might be a good starting point for you to become a better slave of Allah SWT. Thank you Aida Azlin for this love letter  ❤

https://www.facebook.com/aidaazlinpage/videos/1733472370065289/?t=5

SELAMAT HARI RAYA :)

Convocation Day

Assalamualaikum.

As I promised, I'm gonna do an update about several events that happened during my third semester and here it goes.. my convocation day! This takes place on 22th of October 2017 at UiTM Seri Iskandar, Perak. It was my very first experience to attend my own convocation and indeed, a memorable one.

I went there on Wednesday, 18th of October by ETS. I came 3 days earlier than the actual date because of rehearsal and of course, pre-convo shoot with le girls. We didn't hire any pro because we were pro enough lol kidding. We decided not to waste our money obviously. My friends and I slept over our bff's house at Teluk Intan.

The next day we all went to Seri Iskandar to take our jubah and the photoshoot beginsssss!

Although we were all tired after an all day becoming a non-paid models, we struggled to complete our assignments too at night. I was doing my journal summary and the others were busy with statistics and personal task. The date was so near to upcoming tests and submission date. We all can't help it but to 'multitask' the feelings inside and go through everything like..... ok let us just go with the flow. 

My parents came on Friday if I am not mistaken. My bro in law drove all the way from Seremban to Teluk Intan to pick me and drove again to SI. We all gathered at my friend's homestay until my convocation day. Thanks a lot for making everything easier since the start Zati :) Mama insisted to go to Teluk Batik so we took this chance to actually go there on Saturday. They meet their old friends there while my siblings and I were enjoying scenery in the car. Haha. It was super hot so we need air cond lol.

It was great to have a reunion with the batch! Most of them meet each others a lot because they pursue same courses and are studying in the same campus. I am quite special (i bragged about this a lot btw) because it is hard to meet me because I'm too far from them. We would never know when else we could gather together like this but inshaAllah, Allah gives us more rezq like this in the future. Thank you for another memory everyone! Thank you mama abah family for making this dream came true! Lavvv

DIPLOMA IN ACCOUNTANCY 🎓

..Alhamdulillah..

Thoughts on education #31DaysBloggingChallenge

The exact question is

"what is your motivation bila down study and apa you akan buat as improvement for your study?"

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My number one motivation and also motivator in my whole life is my mom. I view mama as the best source of motivation and spirits whenever there's difficulties or hard life. She is my backbone, my main supporter and my cute cheerleader. Whenever I feel very stressful that I feel like giving up because it's too tough for me to handle alone, she is the one who will gently persuade me to get back on track with her positive words. My truest friend I have, mama ☺

Talking about improvement, that word actually indicates how tough my journey as a student who loves to lazing around instead of studying. Hiks. As far as I can see, I've succeeded in making improvement in my studies during my school days but not during my college days. However, when I tried so hard at school I realized that I didn't put so much effort on my self improvement. There's a lot to improve.

During college days, my studies is sth that can't be proud of to be compared to my school days. I didn't study bagai nak rak back then because I was so happy being in the comfort zone. In some way, I feel like my inner strength as an individual who lack of skills has improved a lot. Although I was feeling uneasy with my current improvement, from someone who is kinda soft and shy to someone who has abilities to shout here and there but I am happy with this new me. That was a development tho. I call that as a development 😁

I am not a person who can study in a group. Since school. I prefer study alone and focus in class. I'd rather asking teachers right away instead of seeking answers from my friends and classmates. I was like that. At college, I was still the same. I can't be focus in study group. They are all fast-learner. I knew that I need to put double effort for that but I just can't. I can't help it. We worked together as a team but they ended up doing almost everything. You know, critical thinking is so mean that I feel like the solutions are sometimes nonsense. A pro could do well. They are the pros. I decided to do the task on my own.. with the help of them but not in a group. We were still group members but the task was being divided so I asked them in different timing, at different place and different questions. Haha. That was better. I can't say that I improved a lot but I think I understood better in that way.

If I could turn back time, I'm going to be more focus in class and and work hard on studies while being active in society. But everything has been decided by Allah. I redha and also realized I am being re-directed to a better future.

During college days I had this feeling that everybody around me who keeps on struggling on their studies are the disturbance to my revision period. I have this 'not-so-sickness' which is kinda weird and even worse than morning sickness; unbearable eyes. When I see someone struggling so hard like eating the books I'll close my books and stop my revision. I'll do sth I am not supposed to do like going out from my room and enjoy the wind outside, scrolling Instagram, Twitter or sometimes I just go to bed that early. So yea, because of this not-so-sickness, I went to library almost everyday and sit at the end corner of library alone. My way of doing improvement was like this. I avoid anything that will disturb my revision period. Ain't easy guys!

You guys understand yourselves very well. The first thing to do before doing revision is to learn on the situation/condition that you guys feel most comfortable to study. I hope these help ☻

How I control or manage my anger #31DaysBloggingChallenge

When we talk about anger, I'm totally sure that everyone of us must feel something unpleasant with the word 'anger' itself. Do you ever wonder how yourself becomes so angry in certain situations? There must be reasons behind it. I heard that some people are mad at something with zero awareness about what's going on with the exact situation. They can also be mad until they act like they lost their mind and become lost control like having a burning fire in their soul. 

Before I decided to update this post, I did few research to make sure this post is within the track which is far from nonsense. The most popular keyword I've found was 'emotions'. What's so wrong  and what's so right with that words? Based on Google, emotions is a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. Nahh! Anger is emotions. Emotions that come from our mix feelings whether from sadness, disappointment, fear and even pitiful.

As for me, I don't think I have a problem with anger. I'm not trying to put myself on airs or whuttt but I do believe that I am not that kind of person who easily be mad at certain things. But once I get mad, I would probably speak my mind straightforwardly and then cried. Hiks! I can't remember well what was the situation that made me so angry before but seems like it happened during school days. I was so mad at few people who tried to step over my head just because I was being so nice to them. However, I did nothing but keep it to myself. I was like that back then. I don't have courage to voice out my dissatisfaction. Trust me, it was such a long term anger!

The first thing I would like to highlight here is hold on. Hold on a little longer. You'll survive soon! Endure the pain until you are able to forget it. Hide the pain and don't let it burst. You have to at least give a try not to hurt others because of your anger. I do believe that people who try to cheer everyone else by not letting others down are the people who win at life. You guys succeeded at bringing them down in silent. Good job if you guys done this!

If you guys are an optimistic, this is a benefit because you might take long time before voicing out your anger. Be optimistic because an optimistic is a person who think before they speak. Make sure not to have any regrets after telling the truth or something straightforward that might hurt others. This is what an optimistic person do. I'm not an optimistic tho but I tried to be one. I'm trying all the time. Based on my experience, it took me around 4 to 5 days to really make up my mind whether to stay silent or to show my anger. I ended up getting mad while crying. All my thoughts in mind were like tornado at that time.

Take a me time. Me time is essential to let you have a review on yourselves, flashback what have you done, what need to be done and most importantly is to relax your mind. Some people tend to be very brave to voice out their opinions and thoughts or dissatisfaction about something. They believe in the needs of expressing those things to make things clear and better. However, this kind of people who can't manage their anger well seriously need to have me time to gain calmness before expressing their anger. Grant yourself a short break and then settle it down in a proper way ☺

Instead of being mad and voice out your anger in social websites, you should express it face to face. Nowadays, our emotion leads to relationship break ups, destroying friendship and even family bonds. People play with emotions very well! When you express your anger face to face, you will more likely feel the need of staying calm and the truth will be revealed. Then, everything is going to be settled there. Imagine when you express your anger by tweeting in Twitter, make it as captions in Instagram or Facebook. Those aren't helping yet making it worse. There will be an awkwardness between you guys and you will know what happen next. My friends done this and we still are not in a good relationship right now. It has been almost a year my dear friend. Idk what to do anymore. Everything seems so complicated when you decided to use social websites as middle person.

The easiest way to manage your anger is to stay away from those who always make things difficult for you which may lead you to another dangerous stage.. yes, anger! Sometimes people just don't understand how hard it is for us to bear with their attitudes and their harsh words. I can't handle these type of person so I just let them continue their spicy life while I build my own fantasy world and then live a happy life! Yay! I will never let myself  live in bitterness. Never. I would prefer myself praying to Allah to have many positive persons surrounds me with happiness rather than continuously being hurt by them.

These are my opinions based on my own experience. Typically, these are the ways people being taught the most. School children, teenagers, young adults.. Everyone needs to be aware of anger. Remember! Anger relates to emotions and emotions are easily being swayed by your mood. Behave in everything you do. I've always follow the first way which is to keep it to myself. Once I let it burst, you may get shocked to see a different person in front of you. Haha. Don't let your emotions overwhelm your personality guys 😆

My favourite quote #31DaysBloggingChallenge

"Teamwork makes the dream work" - John C Maxwell

Group hug 😍
Source : Twitter

Day 2! I just finished watching MAMA 2016 and I am so proud of my boys winning Best Dance Male Performance Group & Artist of The Year! 축하해요 Bangtan Sonyeondan ☺ Who would have thought BTS became the first artist not from 'Big 3' entertainment company to win Daesang Award? This is their second time btw, their first Daesang is on MMA 2016 (Album of The Year). You guys nailed it!!

From what I've known, they have been motivating themselves as a group with the quote above since years ago or perhaps since pre-debut. They did mentioned this quote in Twitter 2 years ago if I am not mistaken and many fans start to flashback all their achievements after all this time. Their hard work as a team paid off. As an idol coming from a small agency, it can be considered as real quick hah? That's teamwork. We can never deny the power of teamwork, everyone.

I do believe that teamwork is essential to bring success in someone's life. You cannot stand in this huge world alone. It is true that sometimes you have to learn to stand alone in your own both feet but how can you expect yourself to settle everything down on your own without the help of others? Even you want to go on a vacation or somewhere else, you need people around you to find certain place. Technology is limited guys. In this globalization era, you cannot depend too much on technology. It could make it worse. Does asking or talking to people at your surrounding even cause you a disease? Are you an anthropophobia or what?

I seriously do not understand people who easily put a mindset not to ask others for help and prefer doing something on their own. How can you be so timid while others are so willingly to lend a help? I noticed that these people thought themselves as a burdened to others and they also thought that others might want to take advantage for what they've done. These thoughts are so... hm what do you guys think?

I'm not joking. There's a personal reason I choose this quote. One of my friend is so into herself that I cannot explain how detailed she keeps on mentioning in social websites about how terrible her life is being surrounded by her friends. She wrote about it endlessly. Few people might show their sympathy towards her but for me, she is selfish. Proud of herself doing group assignment as an individual assignment and then send it to lecturer and ask lecturer for separate marks like seriously babe? What are you thinking about?

She is not even my group mates but I pity her members who need to struggle physically and mentally by having such a group mate. Nowadays, even teamwork got marks. If you feel so stress and you think all the burden on completing task is on you why don't you try to slow talk with other group mates so that they can be aware of your current hard situation. Don't keep it to yourselves. See! What happened? The worst part is you can still type 'hahahaha' and even put a smiley at the end of your words in Whatsapp group but you ended up curse them a lot in social websites. 

I acknowledge everything. We all, classmates clearly understand what's going on but we do not want to make things worse. I did mentioned this quote in Twitter with purpose to make her feel somewhat wronged for being like that but I guess that was too weak (I know she noticed my tweet). Many professionals, educated people, and even school children out there know that teamwork ease our task. Less difficulties but great achievement. Right? I've been so active working in teamwork since school and I think that is one of the best way to gain success. We can also become better persons who can adapt with such working environment as time goes by. Let's just not be selfish guys. Everyone needs everyone else in every single situation. People relying on each others and this is the world we live in. 

Indeed, teamwork makes the dream work 😄😄

"Janganlah kamu saling memutuskan silaturrahim, janganlah kamu saling belakang membelakangi, janganlah kamu saling benci-membenci dan janganlah kamu saling hasad menghasad. Sebaliknya jadilah kamu hamba hamba Allah yang bersaudara. Tidak halal bagi seorang Muslim itu memulaukan saudaranya (yang mukmin) melebihi 3 hari" 

Choices.

"Milk or Yogurt?"

"Yogurt"

"Brown or Pink?"

"Brown"

"Flat or Heels?"

"Heels"

"Western or Traditional?"

"Traditional"

"Sleep or Late Night Movies"

"Sleep"

Everyone! Life exists because Allah gives us chances to make choices. He gives us many options in this everyday life that we are living for us to make choices. However, making choice is somewhat annoying because it is too confusing. We can only predict whether the outcomes will be good or bad. We can only think rationally about what will happen after we have made the choices. We can only judge by looking at the choices we made repeatedly. But Allah knows everything very well. Dia Maha Mengetahui :)

Whether the chosen choices are good or bad, that does not matter because what matter the most is everything happen for reasons. Pepatah Islam sering mengatakan bahawa Allah menjanjikan sesuatu perkara itu berlaku kerana pasti akan hikmahnya. So, if the chosen choice is a good thing, say Alhamdulillah. Allah rewards you something good. It is your rezeki to accept such reward. However, if you choose a bad choice or the outcomes are not satisfying, you cannot deny the rezeki from Allah. Allah might want you to open your eyes and take a look at your surrounding. What have you done from the first day you are born in this world to show that you appreciate all the rezeki He gave you? Let's say, an example of a typical student. They forget this concept called tawakal even with the slightest mistakes they did on their examination. 

Okay guys. Take a chill pill and think rationally. If Allah stops your Rezeki for awhile, maybe he wants you to be bless with what you already have. Do not get upset when someone near you be successful and have higher position or whatever rezeki they have. Sabar, because this is the key point of everyone's life. Sebab tu, setiap perkara yang berlaku itu ada hikmahnya. Maybe it is not a good time for you to receive those nikmat from Allah because who knows you might forget the one up there when you are too busy with those rezeki? Allah has such perfect timing. He knows where and when He shall give His nikmat to us, His ummah.

Rezeki, is somehow a challenge. Yes, a challenge. A challenge for us to stay religious to Him. A challenge for us whether we can stand with Islamic way of life after being successful. Istidraj? A situation where people keep on getting bless with rewards and success but unfortunately, those people have never make Islam as their life direction. It is actually throwing them into disaster. They have the rezeki but never appreciate that. They do not remember the one who gives them those success. Astaghfirullah. May Allah protect us from istidraj, sins and evil temptations.

You have the chance to make a choice in your life. Try to choose rationally. Think about the good and bad. The pros and cons. The most important thing is, whatever choice that you have to make.. always put Allah first as the priority in your life. Never hesitate to put Allah first in everything we do because Allah loves those who loves him unconditionally. Read Al-Quran everyday because that is your direction. Istikharah to make you feel confident with your choices. InshaAllah, you can think of a good choice and inshaAllah, Allah will reward you with brighter future. Janji Allah itu pasti.